FIRST POST, FIRST BLOOD

So, might as well make the first post about an event that’s been rather momentous in my joke of a writing career: my entrée into the book world. Just recently, after months of bated breath – mine, at least, or at least initially (it was originally slated to come out in February; it’s now October) – arrives Black Metal: Beyond the Darkness, where I contributed a chapter that amounted to 22 pages, inclusive of photos and such. In this chapter, entitled South of Helvete (and East of Eden), I interview the likes of Graveland, Mütiilation, Master’s Hammer, Rotting Christ, Mortuary Drape, Root, Varathron, Septic Flesh, Opera IX, Zemial, Moonspell, Negura Bunget, Kawir, and Osculum Infame. The more Black Metal Astute among you can likely connect the dots and find the connecting thread(s) among these bands. And, uh, the chapter title’s a dead giveaway. Or, at least I think so.

I’m not gonna go into the nitty-gritty of how I came to contribute a chapter to this book. Let’s just say that sometimes it pays to be a loudmouthed asshole lacking the finer arts of discretion (which flies in the face of my actual “real” sorta-career, the one that pays Actual, Real Money – which is irrelevant to this space and otherwise will be known as That Which Must Not Be Named). However, despite my better and more honest wishes, I will play the card of diplomacy and not comment on the merits of any of the other chapters, and overall, I will concede that, while not being the “definitive” book on black metal, it’s certainly getting closer to that ideal. Or, put another way, if Lords of Chaos encapsulated black metal during the ‘90s, then Beyond the Darkness encapsulates black metal during the Noughties, or at least its frayed ‘n’ fraying edges that have bled into popular culture and academia and all those other arenas that Those Whose Goal Is To Cult dare not tread. (Admittedly, sometimes my goal is to cult, too, but I also still care about casual sex. Anyway…)

This was a tricky one. Originally, I accepted my piddling word-count of 3000 words and got on with it, which meant preparing an outline (to be briefed by my editor on the project) and then going after the relevant interviews. Seemed easy enough, at least in principle. So I got going with the interviews, was receiving some really wonderful and insightful correspondence from those involved, and then I started to pick out the interview material that would shape my narrative: brick wall. Time to freak out. And freak the fuck out, I did – there was NO FUCKING WAY I was gonna be able to fit even a fraction of that material into a mere 3000 words.

I had a crisis of faith. Did I really want my name on something that was a pale shadow of what I could’ve – nay, should’ve – accomplished? Then again, this might be my only shot at getting into the book world, something that’s been mentally simmering for forever. Did I really want to blow that golden opportunity?

Meanwhile, in some sort of token of spiritual compensation, planned interviews with the likes of Behemoth, Funeral (France), Agatus, Monumentum, and Nergal (Greece) fell through, and I still couldn’t track down the mainmen behind Necromantia and Torgeist. But that still didn’t make things any easier; I ended up with roughly 20,000 words of interview material and had to somehow whittle it down to the aforementioned 3000.

Now here is where my Finer Arts come in. Get on the (digital) blower with my editor on the project and explain my dilemma. She asks whether I need a deadline extension or a word-count extension, and I answer the latter. She says she can grant me another 1000 words but can’t kick in more pay. I say that’s more than acceptable, without revealing that I would’ve written the fucking thing for free, if only to get my foot in That Door. The caveat is that they’ll need it before the original deadline so that they can budget accordingly for space. More whittling ensues, and it becomes painfully apparent that 4000 words still aren’t gonna cut it. I blithely state that I might go a wee bit over that 4000-word mark, and just to be on the safe side, said I’d submit it even earlier to ensure more design time whilst knowing that I was gonna aim for at least 5000 words regardless and wait for them to call my bluff.

So, I submit my first draft, at a total of 5026 words, and…and…and…what? They love it. They don’t want to change a thing. They even want to run it as the opening chapter. (Which was fine by me, because half-knowing what the other chapters were gonna focus on, I knew I’d either look better or worse by comparison. I wasn’t aiming for academia, but my goal likewise wasn’t to cult; I just wanted to look like I knew what I was talking about, which, of course, I do.) And that is how you work as a Professional Writer…or one with absolutely unmarketable idiosyncrasies. (Really, I jest on that “Professional Writer” point. I anticipate that this will be a running joke here – if it isn’t already!)

Nevertheless, it was still rough going, to a point. My usual “writing regimen” is simply to fly by the seat of my pants, read something over once, and then BOOM! it’s done ‘n’ dusted and time to move onto the next thing. (And sometimes, I’ll even have a libation of choice while doing so.) Here, among other anal retentencies which I don’t wish to share with the public, I made a shortlist of words to systematically scan through during the first draft to make sure I don’t repeat them too often – like I already have with “still” or “at least” in this post – or at all. That in itself wasn’t too grueling, but it sure was ridiculous.

The rest of it? Pretty simple, actually…once I swallowed my pride and committed myself to making those 5000 words the punchiest, most succinct narrative I could. And at this point in time, I think I accomplished that…and maybe that alone. Whether my chapter’s subsequently considered a touchstone of discourse on Southern and Eastern European black metal during the 1990s is solely up to the buying/reading public.

But when all was said and (especially) done, I savored the whole experience of it. Finally, I felt like a Professional Writer – putting something down for posterity rather than capturing that month’s zeitgeist, which is what I normally/failingly do in the magazine world – and I quite liked that. In fact, I could get used to that….

WHEW. This post went on way longer than expected. Consider it an exception to the (w)rule, then. And consider it the final word on the subject – “done ‘n’ dusted” and all that. I will lastly say that I’ve got an assload of amazing leftover interview material, not to mention the original (and far more grandiose) outline, so who knows? Maybe I can shape this into Perfection someday, or maybe I should leave Well Enough alone. I think I also hold the sole copyright, oddly enough. Better check with my legal counsel on that one.

Sheesh, what kind of a salesman am I?! Alas, the important stuff: you can find it here and here. I think you can also get a discount through mentioning my magazine here.

More malarkey soon enough…